Tyler Johnathan Naasz - Online Memorial Website

April 2nd, 2011

Oh honey, how these days hurt.  I wish so much I could turn back time, wish we would have induced you 5 years ago, you would be here.  I am so sorry my so, I thought I was doing what was best, I swear, I would do anything to turn back time, to have made a different decision, please, please forgive me.  I thought by you staying in my belly longer that you would grow stronger, I didn't know you would die, if only I had made a different decision, if only I could turn back time.  If only.  I wish you were here....in my arms.  I love you my boy, my first boy, my beautiful boy.  I love you.

March 23rd, 2011

My heart is so heavy these days, the tears come to easy.
I took your brother and sister to the zoo on Monday and there were so many people there, so many kids.  The family behind us had a son, Tyler, who had blond hair and looked around 5, they yelled his name a lot, almost too many times for me to take, I started to cry, wishing I was yelling your name, watching you run with sissy and brother, watching you laugh and tell me about the animals, I wish, I just wish.  I love you so much, that will never stop.  You will always be my first son, the one I prayed for, hoped for, planned for, saw a future with.  You are so loved and missed.

I Said a Prayer for You Today I said a prayer for you today And know God must have heard. I felt the answer in my heart Although He spoke no word! I didn't ask for wealth of fame (I knew you wouldn't mind). I asked Him to send treasures of a far more lasting kind! I asked that He'd be near you At the start of each new day; To grant your health and blessings And friends to share your way! I asked for happiness for you In all things great and small. But it was for His loving care I prayed the most of all!

March 6th, 2011

Dear Sweet Boy,

I am sorry I haven't written in some time, sometimes your Mommy gets in a sadness that she can't get out and if I write those feelings down, then they are way too real and I am still in such denial that you aren't here, I want you to be here so badly, so badly.

Last month I should have been registering you for school, kindergarten.  Can you believe that?  I should have been crying my eyes out because I was going to have to send my first born off to school for the 1st time, instead I am crying my eyes out because you aren't here to send you off to school.  I can just imagine you with a big backpack on and a huge smile on your face.  That first day of school this coming September is going to kill me.

Your 5th birthday is just around the corner and I am doing what I do every year, trying to figure out how I'm going to live through it.  Oh how I wish you were here.  I keep wondering if I wish hard enough if you will come back to me. 

Your brother and sister talk about you all of the time.  Do you hear Gaby talking to you?  Do you hear your Mommy every night?  I hope you do.

I love you more than any words can describe and more love than one heart can hold.  You are missed beyond words.

June 12th, 2010

 

I have been trying to figure out how to post pictures big on here, but don't know what I'm doing!  I hope I figure it out soon.

 

Through all of my sorrow I have met so many wonderful friends who have babies in heaven, maybe they are your friends in heaven?  I can only hope so Tyler, if they are anything like their parents then you have wonderful and kind friends and that would warm my heart so much.

 

My dear friend Stephanie, Madeline's Mommy, wrote your name in the sand...I am going to try and post it on here and hope it works.

 

I don't understand why some days my heart feels heavier than others.  I find that when we are all out together as a family that your beautiful face is missing, though I know you are with us everywhere, I wish I could hug you, hold you and kiss your precious face.  I want to watch you grow, to see things through your eyes, to see you smile and hear you cry while I hug away all of your sorrow.  Oh do I miss you my sweet boy.  Mommy loves you more than words can ever express.

May 21st, 2010

 

Your little brother's birthday has come and gone, I always wonder your first birthday would have been like....and all of the ones after that.  I don't think there is a day that I don't miss you or an hour that goes by that you don't cross my mind.  My heart is so heavy.  I will never understand why you were taken from me and why I have the rest of this life to miss you, it just doesn't seem fair.

 

I took this picture of Gaby and Oliver and the first thing I noticed was that you were missing from the picture.  I love and miss you so very much.  Please play and have fun while you wait for me, I can't wait to hold you Tyler.